Was a lad (easy). Now a dad to Daisy & Seth (less easy).


The Kids Are Out Of Control…!


There’s a moment in your career as a parent when you realise you’ve lost control. All your techniques are failing you and the kids have taken the upper hand.

That happened, this week.

The problems all centred around one little word; BOGEY.

It’s Monday morning, my wife has left for work and I’m giving the kids their breakfast. Half way through tucking into her Shreddies, Daisy starts to giggle. “Daddy”, she exclaims “come and have a look at this”.

I strolled over from the other side of the kitchen where I was having a secret binge on crumpets (I tell myself I am trying to cut down on carbs but the truth is… I am living a lie). Upon my arrival, Daisy was holding out her index finger and pointing it towards me. “Look daddy, it’s a ginormous BOGEY!”

Daisy is 4. She finds the word BOGEY hilarious. Seth, who was sat next to her is 2. He finds the word BOGEY hilarious. Understandable.

However, I’m their dad, 32, and I also find the word BOGEY pretty amusing. Say it ten times as quickly as you can and at the end of it you’ll be smiling. It’s just a great word.

Of course, being a responsible adult and not wanting to encourage the use of such an immature word, one would naturally expect that I would have told her to stop being silly and to crack on with eating her breakfast.

What I probably shouldn’t have done was start chanting the word BOGEY over and over again. The kids found this hysterical. I knew my wife wasn’t home – she wouldn’t be particularly impressed by this overtly immature behaviour – so I encouraged the kids to join in with a three way BOGEY chanting session which lasted a good 60 seconds before I told them “enough is enough” and we were going to be late for school.

I thought nothing more of it and we went to nursery as usual for drop off.

Tuesday arrived and the kids were sat down for breakfast again. As I was cutting up grapes for their mid-morning snack, Seth, totally unprompted, yelled out the word BOGEY. Daisy joined in and I realised I might have a problem on my hands. Keen to nip it in the bud I marched over and told them they were being rude and to stop it.

“But you were saying it yesterday, daddy” retorted Daisy.

Ah. Outwitted by a 4 year old.

Of course she was right. If there’s one thing I’ve realised as a parent it’s that we are nothing if not hugely hypocritical when it comes to telling our kids what they can and can’t do!

Wednesday and Thursday came and went in exactly the same way. Daisy and Seth goading me with their chants of BOGEY until I made them stop.

Then… Friday arrived. And things escalated.

As with the previous days, the kids started chanting BOGEY. As with the previous days, I told them to stop. Unlike the previous days, however, they didn’t.

I couldn’t get them to stop.

It sounds totally ridiculous but they just wouldn’t stop chanting BOGEY BOGEY BOGEY! no matter what I said. I went through the usual threats but none worked.

When I got to the stop-chanting-BOGEY-or-there-will-be-no-iPad-later-on threat and they were still doing it, I knew I was in big trouble.

The chanting lasted through breakfast, into the car journey and down the pathway to their nursery. I could not get them to stop. It wasn’t too bad at home and in the car but try walking your two kids in public, past teachers and other parents whilst they are chanting BOGEY over and over again.

Take a look…

Thankfully this coming week is the half term holidays. I’ve got 7 days to snap them out of it.

Wish me luck…

#lad2dad lesson Don’t tell your kids not to do something that you’ve been doing; they’re cleverer than you think!