Was a lad (easy). Now a dad to Daisy & Seth (less easy).

Four Puddings & A Kitchen Roll


Not quite as catchy as Four Weddings & A Funeral but an apt description for the past weekend which has contained all the ingredients for a comedy in which Seth has unwittingly ended up being the male lead!

If you sometimes feel embarrassed at your kids’ behaviour or you’ve ever seen parents struggling to contain their can-I-just-be-swallowed-by-a-great-big-hole-style embarrassment, then you’ll appreciate this.

Here’s the little fella. Looks like butter wouldn’t melt…

Seth Butter


My wife and I decided to try out a new cafe just down the road from us called The Woods. They’ve got loads of books and toys for kids so we thought it would be the perfect place to grab a coffee.

As we walked in, Seth spotted a cake stand on the floor, just at his eye level, and said ‘cake’. We told him it was too close to tea-time and he couldn’t have any.

What an error!

After 15 minutes or so, he got a bit restless and decided to go for a wander.

At the entrance of The Woods is a staircase and next to that staircase is the wooden cake stand Seth had set his eyes upon, which holds four cakes.

Now, everything I’m about to tell you will probably leave you thinking ‘how did you not see this coming?’

Believe me, I know!

Seth strolled over towards the stairs, stopped, and looked back at us with a smile that troubled me somewhat. I knew something bad was about to happen. It was just that kind of expression.

He placed one foot on the bottom step, glanced back once more and then hauled himself up so he was standing on the first step. (I have since been back to take a picture).

cake satn

Everything began to unravel when his eyes made contact with the cake’s frosting. Seth became Romeo and the cake was his Juliet. He just had to have her.

Romeo began to wobble on the step.

Poor Seth; he did his best to regain his balance but he knew he was falling. Desperate to do anything he could to salvage his chances of a romantic liaison with the cake, he reached out his right arm towards the banister.

Had he been successful, none of the sorry mess that was about to engulf this peaceful cafe would have happened.

Sadly, he wasn’t.

Rather than making contact with the banister, Seth grabbed onto the left hand side of the cake stand. Attempting to use it to gain some leverage, he instead fell backwards, taking with him the cake stand and all of its contents.


The cafe fell silent.

Seth looked whimsically towards us. His facial expression had turned from a cheeky one to an ‘Are you about to bollock me?’ one!

Thankfully he was absolutely fine.

But the same can’t be said for the cake stand, the cakes or the floor, which was now covered in cake.

My wife and I felt awful about the whole thing. We rushed over to the manager to apologise as the eyes of everyone present fixated directly on us.

Staff members darted over with kitchen roll to clear the mess.

We offered to pay.

They looked embarrassed.

We felt embarrassed.

As for Seth?

He simply bent down, dipped his hands in the cake, and started to have a taste.

Romeo & Juliet were united at last…

#lad2dad lesson there is such a thing as ‘cake karma’!

(Feel free to leave your tales of child-induced public humiliation by clicking ‘comment’!)


Author: lad2dad

Dad to Daisy (aged 5) and Seth (aged 3) & Honey (aged hardly anything at all). And I chat on the radio for a living.

11 thoughts on “Four Puddings & A Kitchen Roll

  1. when my son was 5 he pointed to a security guard in local supermarket and said he wanted to be one, i replied…you’re too brainy for that….upon our next visit he pointed at the security guard and as loud as possible screamed “mum u dont need a brain to do his job do you?”…..i left very quickly lol

  2. Hahahaha Rich this is a classic story which only a cheeky wee boy could get away with like Seth!! Any parents whos says they have not been there….they are fibbing!! The joys of parenthood,the word sorry has never been said as much until you have children!!x

  3. Brilliant Rich, as ever, brilliant & hilarious!

    I went to crown point a few months back & nipped into mothercare to get an idea of what my youngest might like for Christmas. I had my 4 year old with me, now usually he’s really good & understands that the boxes go to Santa so he can see the picture, make the toy & deliver it on Christmas Eve. He wanted to look at the display toys & proceeded to play with a castle, got bored & moved onto a garage. After ten minutes I told him it was time to go. He looked at me as if I’d just nicked a piece of chocolate from him. After another ten minutes of attempting to reason with him & trying to bribe him (which failed miserably) I took his hand & lead him towards the lift.
    He struggled, I pulled, he screamed, I got red faced.
    Suddenly he screamed “NO! NO! YOU CANT TAKE ME! I DONT WANT TO GO WITH YOU!”
    Que people looking at me like I’m the child catcher …. I was absolutely mortified & couldn’t get out fast enough. Not been back since.

  4. My 3 year old daughter asked her dad very loudly what he was eating in a Chinese restaurant once. It wasn’t very busy but there was just enough people in to hear his reply. “I’m eating crab.” Her answer to that was………Errrrrr Daddy’s got crabs!! Nuff said!

  5. Hahaha. Brilliant! I’m dreading the day Seth can speak properly…! x

  6. No kids of my own but I did take my at the time 3 year old cousin to the post office at the end of there road in Hereford , I needed to pay my car tax that ran out that day and got the most miserable member of staff in there , because I had the insurance that was starting that night not the one running ( surely the one starting at the same time as the tax would be fine ) she refused to tax my car . At this point molly was pulling every leaflet out and launching them around the room , she did stop until I got fed up arguing with the stubborn woman and I told her it was fine to carry on . I explained to the woman id driven 200 miles for the start of my holiday that day and driving back was ridiculous for a simple task , I pleaded that if she did it I would make molly stop and tidy up , after lots of begging she reluctantly taxed my car but still in the rudest manor , by the time shed done it I was so annoyed that I asked what time they closed , to which she said in about 10 minutes , bieng so miffed at her attitude I said we’ll your going to be late with all this to clear up then , me and molly and my car tax all left chuckling away , post office karma ruled that day

  7. Pingback: Hello Ground. Please Swallow Me Up. |

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